Portfolio

Things I can do:

Write short stories that make people cry

Write novels that make people cry

Write plays and musicals that make people cry

Write articles that make people cry

Write physics assignments that make people cry

Write chore lists that make children cry

Write ad copy for tissues

Write instruction manuals for the proper use of tissues

Create logos for books that make people cry

Design a better tissue capable of holding more tears and snot (forthcoming)

Research the evolutionary origins of crying (forthcoming)

Understand the biological mechanisms behind tear formation due to emotional distress (forthcoming)

Write a paper about the dependence of snot viscosity on crying frequency and environmental conditions (forthcoming)

A more boring and comprehensive version of my portfolio can be found by clicking here.